Saturday, December 27, 2014

Drug Overdoses! Full-Frontal Nudity! Why I hate the Kardashian family--and why you should too

 Note: As promised, this blog will no longer be only about food. While I do have a day job as a magazine writer and blogger, some of the writing I consider my best goes unpublished or unnoticed. From now on, "The View From 206" will be home to some of these musings, which cover everything from entertainment to health trends.

Drug overdoses! Full-frontal nudity! I will grant the Kardashian clan one thing: they never run out of zany new ways to get America talking. About them. All the time. It’s as if the entire family gathers around the breakfast table in the morning and kicks around ideas about how they can become the top story of the day. (Including, but not limited to: short-lived “marriages” to NBA players, births broadcast live from the delivery room, and underage girls partying hard and working the stripper pole.)

At the end of the day, the Queen of All Publicity Stunts, Kris Jenner, browses Twitter and gossip rags to see if that day’s antics attracted sufficient attention. And that’s by her standards, not ours—most people don’t expect to be followed by crowds of eager photographers each time they hit the gym for yoga class. (Luckily, the Kardashian sisters only attend “hot” yoga, “naked” yoga, or “tantric” yoga, and they conveniently discuss it in earshot of the paparazzi, just in case they’d like to follow them there.) They also plaster themselves on highway billboards, advertisements, and magazine covers—apparently to cover their bases and make sure everyone in America is looking at them, willingly or not.

Is anyone else sick of these people?

Over the last few weeks, it looks like the answer is finally “yes.” A large segment of the population feels it has seen plenty of the Kardashians, and, in fact, they would like to see less of them. When Kim Kardashian flashed America with her nude photos, the response was more “ew” than “ooh,” as if the audience felt somewhat violated. That’s right: the Kardashians have long been stalking America, glaring back at them from every TV set and magazine stand. Now they’ve crossed the line into sexually harassing us. It was as if Americans collectively said, “Kardashians, you have gone too far. We liked your show at first, but now everyone feels uncomfortable and wants you to stop.”

But they’ve already demonstrated that they won't. In fact, they’ll just sink lower: days after Kim’s photos were released, Scott Disick was hospitalized after overdosing on drugs. With all of the 24/7 security guards, TV cameras, and assistants around them, you’d think the Kardashians would notice if someone was harboring a secret addiction. That’s why we should assume that this was no “secret,” and also no accident. It's another carefully staged subplot directed by Kris. We already know Kris Jenner will sell her daughter’s sex tapes and enter them into arranged marriages for attention. There’s no reason to believe she wouldn’t happily kill off an expendable member of the clan with a drug addiction if it meant more headlines. (By the way, Lamar Odom, Khloe’s ex-husband, also developed a “drug addiction” right before the couple split and he left the show.)

The Kardashians aren’t just an attention-seeking, fun-loving reality show family. They’re fame-obsessed and actually sort of evil. Now that they’ve gotten their 15 minutes, America needs to say “time’s up!” and drive them off the air.

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