Unless it features racist black people, feminist hypocrites, and the Kardashians playing themselves in the role of "worst people in the universe," don't watch that OJ Simpson special

Did I get your attention with the headline? Good. Now, before you tune in for night two of The People vs. OJ Simpson, let's remember what the OJ saga was really about: domestic violence, race hustling, and how the rich and powerful are able to game the legal system in order to literally get away with murder. It also proves that the Kardashians are a plague upon human society and should be wiped off the face of the planet--but I'll save that point for last.

We all know how it started. Shortly after midnight on June 13, 1994, OJ's ex-wife Nicole, along with her friend Ron Goldman, were brutally murdered outside her condominium. That's pretty much where the facts end and the media myths begin, starting with the idea that there was an "investigation" and a hunt for suspects before the racist LAPD decided to pin it on poor, oppressed OJ Simpson. In fact, there was little doubt about who was responsible. The police had been to this address approximately a million times before, since OJ kept coming around to kick in the door and beat up Nicole. He was convicted of domestic battery while they were still married, and thanks to his celebrity status and high-powered attorneys, he got off with a slap on the wrist. Even divorcing him didn't make him go away. Any sentient person could see that he was pretty determined to kill her--to the point that family "friends" Kourtney and Kim Kardashian recall hearing about the murders that night and instinctively screaming, "Oh my God, OJ killed Nicole!"

Really? How did the Kardashians know that? (More about that later.)

Also, all sentient people knew that OJ Simpson was guilty as sin. For starters, there was literally a trail of Nicole’s blood leading from her condo to OJ’s car. A pair of socks drenched in Nicole’s blood was found in his bedroom. When the police were about to arrest him, OJ fled with a passport, a disguise, and a large amount of cash.

But who needs evidence on their side when they have the Kardashians and a smarmy black attorney willing to gin up anti-white hate and hysterically accuse the LAPD of a racist conspiracy? For OJ and Johnnie Cochran, the fact that it was a crock seemed to be part of the fun. Cochran amused himself by making up silly rhymes like "if the glove don't fit, you must acquit." (And ignore that trail of the victims' blood!) Once Cochran's theatrics turned the entire trial into a racial issue, the mostly black jury had its mind made up: OJ was getting off. Who cares about facts? It was their chance to get even. Now rich, powerful, well-connected black celebrities could game the legal system and buy their innocence, just like rich, powerful white celebrities! Personally, I don't think this was some huge milestone to celebrate. But the blacks who celebrated the verdict like they'd won the Super Bowl, rather than a grisly murder trial, made it obvious what this was all about.

There were apparently only three groups in America willing to entertain this bullshit about racist cops: the media, black activists…and feminists.

You might be asking yourself, "Wait, don't feminists have a problem with wife-beating?" In theory, yes. But they were willing to make an exception in this case. Just ask Tammy Bruce, the self-described lesbian feminist activist and former President of the LA chapter of the National Organization for Women.

“During the trial…photographs of Nicole Simpson’s bruised face and desperate 911 calls horrified the nation," Bruce wrote in her first book. "But they apparently did not horrify National NOW. The silence was deafening.”

Instead of rallying to feminist action after a gruesome domestic violence murder happened in their own backyards, NOW went to work sucking up to the NAACP. They refused to get involved publicly, and in private, they were staunchly pro-wife-beater. Tammy Bruce was accused of being a racist and "hurting young black men" with her "crusade." (Yes, her "crusade" to stop wife-beaters and killers from walking free.)

But the heroic Tammy Bruce soldiered on. While everyone else obsessed over whether Mark Fuhrman had ever used the n-word in his lifetime, Bruce insisted on talking about domestic violence. She organized a feminist picket outside NBC’s studio, where an interview with OJ was scheduled to take place.

“The new message to OJ Simpson is that you’re not welcome on our airwaves, you’re not welcome in our society, you’re not welcome in our culture. This is America’s new message about domestic violence,” Bruce told the Associated Press. She also told ABC Nightline that “what we need to teach our children…is not about racism but about violence against women.”

Feminists were aghast! NOW reacted as if Bruce had told Simpson to "Go back to Africa" and voted to censure her. They then issued a public statement accusing her of racism. The statement is worth quoting at length.

“On behalf of the National Organization for Women, I offer my most sincere apology for the racially insensitive statements attributed to or made by the president of a local NOW chapter,” NOW president Patricia Ireland said. “It pains me that these unfortunate and unwise comments have tainted NOW’s reputation and our relationships with our social justice allies.”

But the final straw came when the feminist Kathy Spillar surprised her with a conference call from a black woman at the NAACP, Constance Rice. Rice screamed at Bruce to "leave OJ alone." The fact that he was manifestly guilty meant nothing to Rice. She was on Team Black--even if the black person in question had slashed two peoples' throats in a fit of narcissistic rage over not being able to control his ex-wife with beatings. 

Tammy Bruce quit, and describes it as some of the most despicable behavior she's ever seen. Refusing to go out without some small feminist victory, she organized a final anti-domestic violence march around Nicole Simpson's neighborhood. The second victory came when the feminist lawyer Gloria Allred (pictured above) took up the civil case against OJ Simpson, distributing buttons that read, simply: "Remember Nicole." 

Yes, let's remember her--the real Nicole Brown Simpson, who was not the same woman portrayed by the media. The media downplayed the fact that Nicole was a victim of brutal, persistent abuse, and instead portrayed her as a Barbie doll with lots of boyfriends. As the kind of woman that other women envy--a pretty, slender model type with nice clothes, wealth, adorable children, and lots of potential suitors--Nicole was an unsympathetic victim. That was especially true for ugly feminists who personally dislike pretty blondes with nice clothes, as well as hateful black people who despise interracial marriage and white women who steal "their" men. Many people secretly knew OJ was guilty, but sort of liked the fact that Nicole got what was coming to her. Why? Because they're jealous and hateful. 

The media played along, often erroneously referred to her as OJ's "wife," even though she was one of multiple ex-wives. They made vague, yet salacious, accusations of sluttiness, although Ron Goldman appeared to really be just a friend who was dropping off a pair of eyeglasses she had left behind. And even if he was more than a friend, who cares? Does a woman not have a right to date several years after divorcing her abusive husband? (News flash: just because someone keeps coming over to kick in your door doesn't mean you're still together.) But the media kept it up, going on about Nicole Simpson's boyfriends, implying she was cheating, and tracking down the exact amount of money she spent on clothing. (Pull up OJ's bank account and tell me he didn't compulsively buy a bunch of stupid shit with it.)

Nicole's diaries don't line up with the "blonde bimbo sleeping around and blowing her alimony money" stereotype. A letter Nicole wrote to OJ during their divorce revealed that she was the poster girl for victims of domestic violence who suffer from "battered woman syndrome," blaming herself for his adultery, although she still didn't know what she did to deserve so many black eyes and broken bones.

“You beat the holy hell out of me and we lied at the X-ray lab and said I fell off a bike ... Remember?” Nicole wrote of an incident that occurred only months after their daughter, Sydney, was born. Then, after son Justin was born, there was a “mad New Years Eve beat up.”

Referring to yet another beating, Nicole wrote, “I called the cops to save my life whether you believe it or not.”

At the end of the letter, Nicole described herself as “terribly insecure,” a woman “with no self-esteem” who married “the superstar OJ Simpson.”

“I made up with you all the time and even took the blame many times for your cheating,” Nicole wrote in the letter. “I assumed that your recurring nasty attitude [and] mean streak was to cover up your cheating and a general disrespect for women.”

Ding ding ding! I think we've found the root of OJ's problem--and it wasn't a cop who might have used the n-word ten years earlier. As Tammy Bruce pointed out, “Simpson lived in a white area, had married a white woman, was now dating another white woman, and belonged to a country club that was mostly white…If Simpson was targeted for anything, it was for autographs and the use of his hot tub."

He also had a sleazy, Mafia hitman-type friend with a law license. This friend had no problem assisting with the cleanup of a morbid, blood-spattered murder scene straight out of a horror movie, in which one victim was slashed multiple times in the throat, heart, and lungs, and the other was nearly decapitated. (The media downplayed it as a "stabbing.") This friend probably should have been charged as an accessory, but he got around it by becoming OJ's lawyer. His name? Rob Kardashian.

Kris and Rob Kardashian knew OJ was guilty, helped him dispose of the evidence, and dropped him off at the airport that night to create an alibi. Their kids knew about the murder too: like I said, the Kardashians girls have claimed that as soon as the parents came home that night, they all ran around screaming at each other that OJ finally killed Nicole. (They repeated this story for about a year and then shut up about it, probably because someone warned them to stop telling that story in public.)

People forget how the Kardashians became famous in the first place. "Didn't it have something to do with Kim selling--er, I mean someone 'leaking' her sex tape?" (If the tape was 'leaked,' it's hard to explain why the family marketed it to porn companies. In fact, I would not be surprised if Kris Jenner was the camerawoman, directing every cheesy pose and fake moan.) Well, yes--but before that, they were criminal accomplices who helped a throat-slashing wife-beater go free.

The Kardashians have recently realized everyone is laughing about what liars they are, so now they're pretending they were friends with Nicole Simpson. Kris Jenner claims she was her best friend; Nicole's sister says Kris is a liar who has profited from her murder. Nicole's family describes her as a dedicated mother and loyal friend; she also happened to be a beautiful blonde with a gorgeous body that didn't need any surgical enhacements. Kris Kardashian, on the other hand, was a conniving, adulterous, plumped-and-implanted wannabe who was sleeping with Nicole's husband. Why do I say that? Well, Kris has admitted to cheating on Rob Kardashian during the marriage, and people have long speculated that she was playing the ol' sperm roulette when she got pregnant with Khloe. I'm here to confirm the rumors. There's something called mid-parental height that makes it genetically impossible that the 5'7" Rob Kardashian fathered the 5'10" Khloe. All of his female offspring should be about 5'2", which Kim and Kourtney are. Khloe was fathered by someone else. Judging by her bone structure and natural hair, he's probably black. I'd bet my life savings that it's OJ. As others have noticed, Khloe Kardashian and Sydney Simpson look suspiciously similar--although Sydney doesn't have plastic surgery and stage makeup on her face 24/7.

Sydney Simpson also shares the famous Kardashian trait of being, shall we say, bottom-heavy--although she's not in love with herself like they are, so the paparazzi don't constantly photograph her "nice booty." The Kardashians have America so brainwashed that gossip magazines obsess over their "booties" and "curves," instead of calling them what they usually call women who are as wide as the refrigerator: fat. (No, I'm not calling Sydney Simpson fat--in fact, I think she looks just fine the way she is. I'm just pointing out that the Kardashian-worshiping media would.)

Just like her dad, Sydney Simpson has been arrested for assault. I'm sure she grew up with an overwhelming range of "issues," especially anger and confusion. It's too bad she takes it out on the wrong people. I hope that one day, Sydney Simpson finally decides it's payback time and smashes Kris Jenner in the face.

Kris Jenner was no friend of Nicole's. She sounds more like what members of the urban community might call a "hatin' ass ho." She tried to steal her friend's husband, and when he finally killed her, Kris got her own husband to defend him out of spite.

Remember that every time you see Kris Jenner's face on TV. 

If you oppose any of this behavior--murder, wife-beating, running around beheading people--you cannot watch the Kardashians. The Kardashians portray themselves as a hip, lighthearted family now. Their past indicates they're much darker than that, which is why everyone around them keeps keeling over from hard drug addictions. They literally built their fame and fortune on Nicole Simpson's and Ron Goldman's graves, having narrowly escaped being charged as accessories to murder. That's the reason I encourage everyone reading this to immediately change the channel the second one of these wretched people pops up on the screen. (If involvement in murder isn't enough, they're also hard to look at these days. As my mom said about Kim Kardashian's latest round of plastic surgery: "I think she's getting uglier by the minute.")

And for the love of God, if the OJ miniseries plays into any ugly myths about racist cops and blonde bimbos: turn it the hell off.